Just Be…

Jameson- small dog tough name
January 14, 2018

Just Be…

As a 39 year old, I was caught up in the people pleasing, success and achievement rat race, when I found Blizzard in the road one day on my way home from work. Little did I know that she was about to teach me a big lesson. I was about to have a huge surgery, bilateral total hip replacement surgery, in hopes of ending chronic pain that had plagued me for more than a decade. The bigger problem became… that the surgery didn’t help to end the pain. In fact I experienced MORE pain and disability as a result of the surgery, and nobody could tell me why.

Forced to leave my 20-year career as a news anchor, I laid in bed, considering quite honestly that I could perhaps live the rest of my life that way… in bed… unable to wash the clothes of my three small children or husband, unable to work ever again, unable to bake cookies for my friends, unable to garden, unable to walk this new, giant puppy I had just dragged home, unable to do anything except, in my mind, be a drain on everyone I loved. I had to ask myself if a life could have meaning, if the person living it could never be of any benefit or service to another.

Laying with Blizzard for all those months, I noticed something. She didn’t have the anxiety to accomplish things. She didn’t feel bad about herself for sleeping all day. She didn’t judge herself by the list of squirrels she had successfully chased or potential intruders she had scared off. She was comfortable… just to be.

That helped me realize that it’s OK to just exist. Life isn’t a competition. It’s not a game to be won. I realized I mattered to God, and He didn’t need for me, to do anything but to learn what Blizzard innately knew: that I’m enough… just because I exist.

((End of story))

An aside: ((please don’t publish this part, if possible)). I briefly just met Garry and saw Sharon at KXAN in Austin. I was kind of shocked because, just minutes before, I had reached out to an editor/publisher I had met in the neighborhood and told her I was ready to write my story.

Then I walk into a different room and run into TWO authors. I considered it yet another God wink! I will order and read this book, but just on the off chance that they live in or are in Austin, I would love to meet another author or two in this town! If I can take them to coffee sometime, I’d love to have the chance just to hear how the process of writing this book was for them. I am scared a little and think hearing that writing a book is possible would be encouraging!

Can’t wait to read this! If they’re still here, please pass along my cell number!

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